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Topic of the Week -- Racial Dating - SPK Live
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Steve K
Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 05:25 pm
Topic of the Week -- Racial Dating

From the August 9 issue of Newsweek, PERISCOPE section (pg 9):
It's hard for white separatists to get a date. And not just for the reasons that you think. Part of the problem is that there are no whites-only dating services, says William Regnery, publisher of The Occidental Quarterly, a magazine that espouses white nationalism and whose statement of principles calls for limiting immigration to "selected people of European ancestry." Regnery's now preparing to enter the market--he recently announced the idea of a racially exclusive dating Web site in a letter to subscribers. He says he's worried about the declining percentage of whites in the population and hopes a dating site would increase the number of white families, "since the survival of our race depends upon our people marrying, reproducing and parenting." Such fears tap into the "common paranoid fantasy" of white separatists, says Mark Potok of the watchdog Southern Poverty Law Center. But Regnery defends the whites-only matchmaking idea, insisting that it is no different from sites run for Jewish singles. "I'm sure you're familiar with JDate," he says, naming one Jewish-dating site. "It's huge, and there are a variety of other ones for ethnic, religious [and] special-interest groups." For now, Regnery's project has no domain name and no start date. "This is still a gleam in the eye of the beholder," he says. -- ANDREW MURR

Here's the question: Is this whites-only dating website necessarily a bad idea?  What do people think about this?  Pros, cons?

As always, please respect the views of others and keep the acrimony to a minimum.  I encourage debate and ask people with divergent viewpoints to contribute.  Thanks!


07/19/04 - FENCING
07/14/04 - 7 QUESTIONS, librarygal
07/12/04 - DRUGS



Steve K
Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 03:33 pm (UTC)
spk1121's thoughts

My initial reaction was one of abhorrence, but I admit his point about the Jewish dating site was a valid one. I know some African-Americans have expressed concerns, couched in phrases of racial pride, that have expressed reservations about interracial dating. The irony is that a couple decades ago, whites normally wouldn't have considered marrying someone from another ethinic group. Now, it seems many racial groups preach "sticking with their own kind" - the movie Bend It Like Beckham was one example, though the protagonist chose the non-Indian guy in the end. Still, it's a powerful force within many cultural circles. This guy is advocating the same behavior for whites. While I certainly wouldn't limit myself that way in the quest for someone special, I can see the appeal. Sometimes, the familiar is simply easier to understand and be more comfortable around.

Boy, I honestly don't know. I suppose the First Amendment-inspired part of me says that's his business and he can do what he wants, but another part of me thinks it's further propigating notions of racial distinctions/superiority. I'm interested in getting other people's thoughts because I'm really on the fence on this one.

Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 04:00 pm (UTC)

Well, since other "races" or groups have thier own services I can understand why whites would one. However, I think he wants it for the wrong reasons. He states that he's worried about the white population decreasing. I don't think these other groups are getting together for the sole purpose of increasing their numbers.
I think the Jew example is a bad one. I think Jews would have their own dating service because it is a religion as well as a "race". It's usually a good idea to marry someone of the same faith.
I don't know. I think when white people want to get together to celebrate their culture or be with their own, it seems wrong in our society. Yet when any other group gets together the same eyebrows are not raised.
It is America. He should be allowed to do it regardless. Personaly I don't like his motivation in doing it but like I said it's America.
On a slightly different note, I think it hinders us to seprate ourselves. If equality is to be achieved it will require all groups to mingle.
There's too much for me to say about this for a mere comment box....

Steve K
Fri, Aug. 20th, 2004 08:35 am (UTC)

I think Jews would have their own dating service because it is a religion as well as a "race".
There are secular Jews, those who acknowledge their heritage but don't believe in God. I think it's still a cultural thing, I know there is a powerful compulsion to marry another Jew because they don't want the Jewish people to disappear - a fear Jews have had for centuries, if not millenia. I think that's a fear that comes from the "lost 10 tribes" of Israel that were conquered by the Assyrians and were absorbed into the outside cultures, forgetting their "Jewishness." It's an interesting bit of history having a wide psychological impact on a group, I think.

ReplyThread Parent
Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 04:08 pm (UTC)

I think he has the right to do what he wants. Do I agree with his beliefs? No. But, I don't think the issue is setting up a whites-only dating service. There are other dating services that are geared towards a group of a particular race or skin color. The issue, in my opinion, is why he wants a whites-only dating service. That's what is setting him apart. Many people choose to look only for someone of a common race, religion, skin color, etc... That doesn't mean these people are racist or hate those who are different.

Plus, he's planning to make this an online service and unless you want to start policing the web, I think he's got the right to go forth with his site.

That's my two cents.

Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 06:44 pm (UTC)

I'm currently instant messaging an African-American I met on an online dating service, and he's by far the most interesting person I've met from there...(although probably not the one I have the biggest crush on ;)

Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 07:12 pm (UTC)

I just watched a special on MTV about this subject (True Life, I'm part of an interracial couple, or something like that). I think race is just not the issue. But where/how you grew up is. What your beliefs are matters a lot. I couldn't stay with one guy I dated because he owned a gun and wouldn't even consider the idea of not having a gun in the house if we were to ever get married and have kids.

Now I mean what matters in making a relationship succeed. I am not naive enough to think that everyone surrounding me doesn't notice people who "date outside their race." But so many of us are not just of one race, even if we are "white." Several hundred years ago (and even in some places now), an English person wouldn't date an Irish person.

As far as this "whites-only" dating service, I guess I wonder where they will draw the "white line" at. For census and other statistical things, caucasian includes people from the Middle East (some) and a large part of Asia, but I would bet the people starting this service would not consider Persians "white."

My 9th grade English teacher told us of the time in Catholic school when her nun/teacher told them to all go around and try to find someone else whose skin matched theirs exactly (and of course the entire class was "white"). Of course we know what happened. Nobody's skin matched. So if you're looking for someone the same "color" as you, you might have to search a while.

The only other serious relationship I had besides N-, I dated a guy who was Brazilian. That didn't even occur to me until I was writing the previous paragraph, because it was so much of a non-issue in our relationship.

I'm saddened that this person thinks it is important to have an all white dating service. And just because the majority of America is still widely uncomfortable with interracial marriage (going both ways, not just white people looking down on non-white people) doesn't mean we should just accept it and look the other way.

I'm kind of blabbing, but here is my final thought - I don't think we should think about race when dating. We should neither pick people because of their race because it is the same, or because of the fact that it is different. How shallow, much like picking someone because of their clothes or the car they drive. We should be getting to know people and THEN making the decision.

Steve K
Fri, Aug. 20th, 2004 08:40 am (UTC)
Skin color

For census and other statistical things, caucasian includes people from the Middle East (some) and a large part of Asia, but I would bet the people starting this service would not consider Persians "white."
I bet you're right! :)

ReplyThread Parent
Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 08:22 pm (UTC)

What is left to say. I agree with most of the comments. This guy is obviously shallow and misinformed(I don't think there is a shortage of white people lol) but he has the right to do what he wishes. I for one have no problem with interacial dating. The only concern I would have about it is that the mingleing of culture can be difficult and often I think people don't stop to think about what they are doing. It is not a decision to be made lightly. I think of dating as preperation for marrige, so I don't really like the idea of dating web-sites anyways. I think many people take dating in general too lightly.

Steve K
Fri, Aug. 20th, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)

I think many people take dating in general too lightly.
Whatever happened to "courtship"? Once upon a time, guys were expected to treat ladies with respect and honor her parents in the process. In some ways it's good that we have moved beyond some old stereotypes and can consider various options, but I agree that we tend to "take dating in general too lightly." When we treat potential romance casually, it's easy to take relationships for granted.

ReplyThread Parent
Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004 08:41 pm (UTC)

Like fearless4jesus said, there's not much else to add after what everyone else has said. I mean, the idea of having a whites-only dating service is not so bad in and of itself, as long as it's OK for any other racial group to do the same.

The guy's motivation is what's disturbing. However, maybe we should let the people who think like that stay together. Unless we can get them to change their thinking a bit. Is white separatism outright racist? I wish I knew for sure.

I would not have a problem dating/marrying someone from another race. It's much more common now, though I'm sure some people would feel the need to make comments and stuff. I could not, however, marry someone whose religious beliefs were drastically different from mine.